I need your help!
My search on the inter net has lead me to your web site.
PLEASE, I know that my letter is very lengthy, but I beg you, please, read
through it very carefully because I need your opinion and I need your guidance
as to how I should handle my situation.
I don't know where to begin, so I guess I'll start at the beginning!
I believe that I was / am the subject of some horrific government mind control experiments. I believe that the government "selected" me at a very young age, watched me develop as a young man, and then when the time was right forced me into their "mind control project". My memory's of these "events" were all but non-existent until recently, when a single event "triggered" a massive flood of memories which started to all come back to me. To be honest the whole experience has left me quite shaken as well as quite scared. But mostly confused. I must admit that "surfing the net" and finding others who have had similar experiences makes me feel not so alone, and that is comforting.
It all started when I was 10 years old. My mother enrolled me in a mind control course called "the Silva Mind Control Method". It is sort of a self hypnosis course where you learn to dive down into the different levels of your mind. You learn things like how to heal your body with your mind, relaxation techniques, ways to focus your concentration, and melt spoons with your mind (things like that). You may have heard of it? Anyway, while in the course we learned to go to our "level" (a relaxed state of mind which is the bases of the Silva method). I was extremely good at all of the things we were doing for some reason right from the start. Children who are 10 years old are very cruel to each other. And what happened was the whole class as a group would close their eyes and practice "going to your level" but as I came out of my "level" I would open my eyes and find that the WHOLE class was turned around in their chairs and they had been watching me for 15 to 20 minutes. They had been watching my rapid eye movements, my body and my technique. As I came out of it, they all began laughing at me. The instructor however, was praising me like I was the next god's gift to mankind. Telling me that I was the greatest student he has ever seen etc. etc..
This is where it all starts, during one of the breaks (about six weeks into the course) the instructor asks me to go outside to meet some of his "friends". I go outside with him (and let me tell you, when you are 10 years old and you are in a class room for two hours at a time on your Saturdays and Sundays for eight straight weeks you ABSOLUTELY live for your 15 minute breaks) so needless to say I was not very interested in wasting my "break time" talking to whoever these people were. We go out the double doors and there are two men waiting to talk to me. THEY BOTH WERE WEARING MILITARY UNIFORMS, one was wearing army green, and the other was in blue (possible air force but I cant be sure). The instructor states to the men "this is the kid" and they make some small talk. To be honest I really didn't pay much attention to them ( I was looking at the other kids on the play ground and wondering why the hell I'm over here and not over there). But here's the main point; The man in green bends down on one knee and says to me " I hear you have some very special abilities" and I said "I do"? In a very confused response. He stands back up and speaks to the instructor some more, then kneels back down and says "It was very nice meeting you, YOU KNOW YOUR GOING TO WORK FOR ME SOME DAY!" As a 10 year old you don't quite grasp what is really going on and I remember laughing and telling him that I didn't quite understand, but it was nice meeting him, and I ran off to the play ground. But when I looked back, the three adult were still standing there looking at me, talking about me, and sizing me up.
That was the only time that I actually spoke to those men for years, but what happens next is very odd. Growing up my parents were fighting all the time and they finally got divorced (needless to say the children in these cases are always dragged right into the middle of all of the bullshit that happens when these situations occur, and I was no exception). So what did I do, I used sports as my escape. All I focused on was sports, I would leave the house and go down to the field or into the backyard and practice, and practice, and practice my soccer skills. As a result of this I became extremely good, so good you would not believe me (I just seemed to have a knack for it). When the school soccer tryouts came I tried out for the 8th grade soccer team as a 6th grader. The coach was against at because he didn't think I could play with the older boys, but he let me tryout anyway. Well, I made the team, but I was so good I turned out to be the best kid on the team, and we were the best team in the county. I just had an uncanny ability to do what ever the coach asked me to do. For example, the first day of tryouts the coach kicks the ball to me and jokingly says " I want you to take this ball, go down the field and score a goal" The thing is, I PRCTURED IN MY MIND MYSELF GOING DOWN THE FIELD AND SCOREING THE GOAL. THEN I TOOK THE BALL DRIBBLED THROUGH 4 GUYES AND I DID IT! I didn't think about doing it, I just did it. It was like it was mind over matter.
It's funny because honestly I could do things that were so unbelievable on the soccer field. You have to see it to believe it. Here is how; I honestly didn't know any better. I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to be able to do that, just take the ball down the field by yourself and score EVERY TIME! But in my mind, I could do it, so I did it in real life EVERY TIME. When the opposing teams coaches asked how old I was, when I told them the didn't believe me, after the games were over they would thank me for not running up the score and humiliating "their boys". . That how good I was and I do have video tapes of the games to prove it!
Here is the thing, and I didn't put it together at the time. When you go to any children's sporting event you see all of the parents. They are usually are dressed casually and usually bring a folding chair and sit around and watch the game and gossip with the other parents etc. etc..
I REMEMBER looking around at all the parents. I REMEMBER noticing TWO GUYES IN MILITARY UNIFORMS FREQUENTLY AT MY GAMES. ONE IN GREEN AND ONE IN BLUE. I remember this specially because they stuck out like sore thumbs, and I specifically remember this because I was thinking I wonder who's father's are they. They looked familiar but I just could not put my finger on it. That was when I was 10 years old, the thing is, I remember seeing the same two guys all through my high school sporting events as well. Whether it was football, basketball, or track. At the county track meet, during some football games etc. (I can rattle off 5 or 6 different examples). I excelled extremely well at all sports which I undertook as a child. The way I excelled was with my Silva mind control training. Somehow I could combine the playing field in my mind with the playing field of reality. Imagine, you are a kid, and your dream is to be a professional athlete. In your mind you dream of glory, and you picture your self running down the field faster than all the other kids (even the older ones), running for incredible touchdowns, dribbling the soccer ball down the field and getting by four or five defenders with ease and kicking the winning goal. This is what I would dream about in my mind, but this is also what happened in real life. Somehow, I had the ability to transfer the physical abilities I dreamed of in my mind, to what truly happened on the field. All from using the Silva mind control techniques. This is why they wanted me! Imagine how effective would an assassin or an agent be if in his mind, through hypnosis, he truly had no fear. If in his mind, through hypnosis, he truly believed that he could do "super human" things. Things like jumping off a 3 story roof and land without injury, just as if he was jumping a foot stool. If in his mind, through hypnosis, he truly believes he possesses "super human" strength and can turn his bodes adrenaline glands on and off like a faucet. These are just some of the experiments they conducted on me in an effort to make me the "perfect weapon" or the "perfect killing machine"
This is all just them watching me as I grew up. When it came time for me to go to college is when strange things started happening. When it came time to go to college I was a " Blue chip" athlete, and was recruited heavily as an "A" rated football player by most of the major universities. By the end of my senior year in high school the decision as to what school to attend was narrowed down to 2 or 3 schools. Mysteriously, in the mail I received a letter which stated I had an appointment to have my physical taken for admittance to attend West Point. I didn't think much about it and the physical date came and went. Another letter arrives stating that I was "Rescheduled' FOR ANOTHER physical at West Point. The physical date also comes and goes. Again, I didn't think too much about it. Then I get a phone call from someone in the military, I don't remember his name but I think he said he was major something or other. Anyway, he asks me why I didn't go to the physicals, and I told him that 1st of all I wasn't interested in a military career at all because my father was in the military and "it just wasn't my bag". Secondly my father graduated from Annapolis and if I went to West Point he would disown me. About a week later I get a THIRD letter. This one mysteriously now states that I now have an appointment to have my physical taken to attend Annapolis. The thing is I never spoke to anyone about attending either West Point or Annapolis. I never spoke to any football coaches, I never discussed it with my parents, I spoke to KNOWONE about applying to ANY military academy! I did some research about the process in which one must to go through to enter either academy. Let me tell you that the physical is about the third "screen" they use to "weed out" unqualified candidates. These "screens" include either a presidential or a congressional nomination (I could have gotten one due to the fact that my father attended Annapolis but since neither of us even approached the subject it really makes you wonder what the Hell is going on). In addition to this I was extremely under qualified since neither my grades OR my SAT scores were EVEN CLOSE to the levels expected by the academies by their applicants. So how did I get THREE physicals scheduled to enter the military's most distinctive schools WITHOUT EVER APPLYING. Someone wanted me to be in the military very badly, and I still have all the letters "requesting" my presence at the academies for my physicals to prove it!
By a rather "odd" set of events I end up going to a college I had never heard of before called the University of Rochester located in UPSTATE NEW YORK right between Buffalo and Syracuse. I attended the University from 1988-1992.
This is when they took me into their program. I CAN GO THROUGH ANOTHER 15 PAGES EXPLANING EVERY DETAIL; OF HOW, WHEN AND WHY THEY HYPNOTISED ME, HOW THEY WOULD TAKE ME IN THE NIGHT, THE LABS, THE EXPERINMENTS, EVEYTHING! This was a "Black Book Operation", these men were not exactly in the military but some sort of a private group, operating from groups within groups. You see I was so far gone and under their control because for some reason mind adhered to their "suggestions" extremely well, like nothing they had ever seen. Anything they told me to do while I was in this "state of mind" I could do.
The experiments were all under hypnosis, and were initially designed to test how far the human could be pushed. Things like the limits of human strength. While under hypnosis they would tell me to imagine that my arm was a hydraulic press with unlimited power, they then would place objects in my hand and tell me to crush them and I could. Another "favorite" was to test the limits of human pain tolerances. For this experiment they would tell me to "turn off my nerves" "you are in a warm and safe place, you feel nothing and have NO pain". As you can imagine they had many different varieties of this test. They controlled me like I was a "robot" or something, and I remember standing and walking with "tunnel vision". I had no control of myself at all. I remember having to give demonstrations of my abilities so they could get the funding needed to continue with the project.
.I remember, being in a field, it was dusk, I demonstrated my abilities and the showed the things I could do. There were 6 to 8 men there one of them dressed in a suit was either a senator or a congressmen and after he saw the things I could do he said "JESUS CRIST- If I didn't see that with my own eyes I wouldn't have believed it possible. ANYTHING YOU NEED YOU GOT IT!". The main focus quickly turned from doing simple "tests" on me to developing me as a killing machine, a military weapon, and they trained me as an assassin. I have memories of killing several people and executing several "Missions". My code name they called me by was "The Rhino" and I believe I killed several people between 1988 and 1992.
To be honest with you this letter should have only taken me a day or two to write but I have been working on this for over three weeks now. I am not going into great detail about most of my experiences and the really painful memories. Every time I start thinking about these events my stomach turns and I become nauseous. I must ask you to please forgive me, if any of this is unclear or doesn't flow smoothly I'm sorry but I'm trying my best, but it is very difficult and painful to remember and write all this down.
I graduate from college and I move down South. In my apartment complex, this guy introduces himself to me at the pool and we become good friends. At this time I have no memories of all these events so I didn't put the following together until later. The guys name is Aaron and he is down South to get his masters degree in PSYCHOLOGY. Coincidentally he is also from Rochester NY. He becomes my best friend and about a year goes by. When we would go out drinking or be at parties Aaron would brag about being able to hypnotize people without them even knowing it and how he could gust "fuck" with peoples minds. I never thought much about it because he was my "best friend".
I get my first job with a major corporation. Three hundred and sixty resumes for 1 spot and I got the job. So naturally I was very excited and told all my friends. The job involved traveling all around the Southeast every week (being gone Tuesday through Friday, on the road, every week). The job didn't start until late August and it was early July so I had some time on my hands. About two weeks after I told Aaron that I had gotten the job he calls me and asks me to come over (he is my best friend and I would go over to his place all the time so I thought absolutely nothing about it). I get to his apartment and we bullshit for about an hour, and he tells me out of the blue that "some people are concerned about your new job" and I said "what the fuck are you talking about" and he said "the fact that we won't know where you are during the week" and I was just utterly confused and extremely pissed off (I still had no memory of any of the events mentioned above) and I said "What the hell are you talking about? Who is concerned? What business is of theirs anyway? Who? I don't understand?" He let it go. What happened next he did not let go.
I had all this time on my hands and I was very nervous because I had to go to Buffalo for three weeks of training. I was 24 years old and this was my first "real job" with a company car, expense account and everything. Ever since I was very young I stuttered severely when I spoke. The thing is I knew it was all in my mind, because when I was alone I could speak very fluently, but when I had to speak to anyone, read aloud or, heaven forbid, speak to a group of people my entire throat would just "lock up" and I could not speak word one. This was a serious problem for me and needless to say I was tormented as a child. But anyway I decided that this was my first real job and if I wanted to get anywhere in life that I will not let this stop me and it must be fixed and now is the time. I had never been to a hypnotheripest before but for some reason I really believed in the power of hypnotism, and I really thought that this along with my Silva mind control could really help me. So I open the yellow pages and pick out a hypnotheripest. In the ad the hypnotheripest claimed to be able to cure many different ailments within a few sessions, stuttering was one of them so I called and made an appointment. I proceed to go into the appointment talk to the Doctor and explain how I think my problem is all in my mind. He states that my conclusions are "very interesting", and he puts me under. When I opened my eyes the doctorís face was white as a ghost and he is sweating bullets, there are now two assistants in the room and they have the same horrific look on their faces. The doctor in a trembling voice asks me "DID YOU KNOW YOU HAVE SOMEKIND OF A GOVERNMENT MEMORY CAP IN YOUR MIND." I said "no, what are you talking about?" He is still sweating profusely, and I ask him "what is going on." He would not discuss it but he said wanted to see me tomorrow. I go to pay for the session in the lobby and I ask the assistant "what happened in there?" At first she would not tell me but I finally got it out of her. She said that I absolutely FREAKED OUT and I was absolutely screaming uncontrollably. She also stated that in her 15 years with this doctor she had never seen anything like it. She said the doctor tried for 15 minutes to put the cap back on and I would not let him, they had to get three other people to hold me down and finally he got control of the situation again. This is on a Tuesday, the doctor wanted to see me the next day but he was booked through Friday, the assistant made room for me to see him on Thursday.
I leave very confused, still having no clear memories of any of the government experiments. The thing is I go home and what do I do, I go right over to my best friends apartment (Aaron) and tell him the whole story about the hypnotheripest and the memory cap. He starts to FREAK OUT, you went to a hypnotheripest WHEN? And let me tell you he was PISSED! I remember being very confused because I didnít still didnít make the connection. I remember going into his apartment, telling him what happened, he gets very angry, but after that there was "lost time." It was between 3:00 and 4:00 oíclock in the afternoon when I went over there. I remember this because there were "soap operaís" on the television when I was initially telling him my story, when I left "Jeopardy" was on and it was becoming dusk. It was about 7:30 on the evening. I leave his apartment and go home, I found myself sort of wondering what happened? At home I empty my pockets on the table (change, keys etc..) and I have the receipt from the hypnotheripest. "Oh yea" I say Iím supposed to see him on Thursday, but I couldnít remember anything else. I go back Thursday AND THE DOCTOR IS NO LONGER THERE! I MEAN HIS NAME IS SCRACHED OFF THE DOOR HE IS GONE, VANISHED, I MEAN IT WAS LIKE HE HAD NEVER BEEN THERE. There were four or five doctors sharing the same office and there was simply a space where his name had been. I go in and ask the receptionist where is doctor so and so, as hard as I try I just cannot remember his name, but I can find my way back to where his office was. I ASK THE RESEPTIONIST WHAT IS GOING ON AND SHE TELLS ME TO PLEASE LEAVE AND DO NOT COME BACK. I ask about the doctor, she closes the receptionists window turns her back to me and walks away.
I go home, even more confused, Aaron calls me that night to come over, I go, again not thinking anything about it. This is where all hell breaks loose. I go to his apartment and we are sitting down talking as usual. From the back bedroom six or seven men come out! The same two military officers I had seen all along from my childhood and at the University of Rochester (one in green and one in blue). The other men were dressed in black. The instant I saw these men I began to remember, my instinct tells me to run but I was taken totally by surprise. The men in black leap over the couch, grab and hold me. They pined me against the back of the couch, I had no leverage to plant my feet and try get up. They start to laugh and say things like "this guy isnít so tough" and "that was easy".
I remember looking at Aaron with a look of betrayal, he could not look at me. The military officer in green says " do you have any idea how much trouble youíve been, we should have killed you a long time ago" he asks Aaron "is he going to remember any of this?" Aaron answers "no". He proceeds to punch me in the face, I am struggling to get up but I just could not move, Aaron then takes over. Aaron then says the "magic word" and instantly I cannot move, he tells me how relaxed I feel how I feel warm and safe I feel, how I am in a "happy place". This is where things start getting a little crazy. What he did to me somehow, I remember, he somehow locked me away in my own mind creating multiple personalities. I remember fighting him for control in my mind. He said that I will do what I tell you to do. He said the walls are closing in and you cannot fight it, in my mind I of course pictured the walls closing in. On his instruction the walls closed in until I was inside a "vacuum sealed steel coffin", I could not fight it and I could not move. He then said you are being sent to a place in your mind where you will never be found, at this point I start screaming "no no no". After he sent me to a place where "know one will ever find you", he instructed that "a steel plate the size of ten football fields and 10 feet thick is crashing down upon you" and he said "here it comes, and there is no escape" I remember screaming again as he says "boooom". Here comes another one, "boooom", and he proceeded to do this five or six more times. I am screaming during all of this.
The thing is, the one thing I do remember about the hypnotheripestís first visit is; I remember being back in my mind "my safe place" and off in the corner were these "steel plates" or like a heavy iron with some weathering and dust were bolted to the floor. I remember hearing horrific cries coming from behind it, like some kind of creature or monster. To investigate I imaged that the steel plates were made of tin foil and instantly I had the strength to bend them back one by one. I was scared. As I got to the lower layers I hear scratching, like a wild animal clawing at a door to get out. The last few layers were bubbled out like you can make dents in a sheet of tin foil with your finger (only much bigger). Down in the corner, there was a little piece that had been pushed aside, and you could see the blackness behind it. I get on my hands and knees to get a closer look, ALL OF A SODDEN hand of half rotted bone and flesh suddenly reaches out and grabs my face. It would not let go. I FINALLY GET AWAY FROM IT, but now the creature is suddenly energized and begins to violently scratch and claw and with incredible force starts ripping at the last layers of the steel. Finally, it made itself enough of a space to get out. From the blackness emerges a half rotted corpse, on itís arms, legs and left shoulder there was only bone, no flesh. An image of a body that had been locked in a closet for years, half rotted and half already dead. On the verge of insanity from being trapped in a space so small you cannot move, yet you cannot die. I am now backing away from it.. It says what are you afraid of? It asks Who are you? I ask it, IT ANSWERS I AM YOU, DONíT YOU RECOGNISE YOURSELF. With a burst of speed it leaps at me and grabs hold of me, like someone trying to embrace me. With itís half rotted arms around me I start screaming. I believe that this is when I started flipping out in the doctors office.
The hypnotheripest pulls me out of it, two days later the hypnotheripest has disappeared and Aaron, locks the "monster" away again, with new doors and in a new place. The monster who claims to be the real me who is even now locked away somewhere in my mind? This concept is very scary and confusing but these are my memories.
This all took place in the summer of 1994. After that I couldnít remember any of these events, And Aaron continued to be my "best friend". Over the next two years I would go over to Aaronís apartment and hang out. I remember a lot of missing time, watching a movie and all of a sudden I would be watching a different movie and it is 2:00 in the morning. Sometime he would get up and lock the door when it is only the two of us and we were both about 6 foot tall and 230 pounds with bodybuilder physiques living in a very quiet and secure apartment complex. So I began to wonder about these events and I would ask him "why do you sometimes lock the door" and he would never answer me.
There is much more to the story, how I broke free, where I am today, are they still watching me? Itís funny because I play these events over and over again in my mind. Government experiments, multiple personalities, hypnosis. The thought that the United States Government assigned someone to "watch" me for years sounds kind of crazy. The thing is, as I was sitting here typing on my computer and writing this letter, I remembered that Aaron used to come over and use my computer for some of his "theories" and "projects". When we were "best friends" I never thought much about it. But LOOK what I found on my computer.
Here is the first page of a 10 page document that is one of his "theories" on how the human mind operates which he submitted to be published.
Memory Regression Technique (MRT)
Aaron M. XXXXXXXX
Memory Regression Technique (MRT), involves the process of retrieving past memories, and can assist in the retrieval of repressed material (memories) from the unconscious. MRT understands the process of association in relation to memory and strongly believes that specific memories can be brought to consciousness. Furthermore, MRT assumes to seize (particularly regarding the repressed patient) deep-seated memories and experiences through the aid of association using music.
INTRODUCTION
Memory Regression Technique (MRT), involves the process of retrieving past memories. Memories that are either general or specific in nature. What the technique consists of is regressing oneís mind (through age and time). By having individuals retrieve information (memories) from their past using a systematical process, they begin to develop an adaptation to this process. A "familiarity" of retrieving past memories and as this process continues, releasing stored material is made easier by the individual.
Memory Regression Technique can assist in the retrieval of repressed material (memories) from the individualís unconscious. Repressed material or pieces of information can be brought to consciousness through the aid of association. It is certainly probable that specific individual experiences / events were recorded in oneís memory through association, particularly with music during a specific "time" or period in oneís life. Accordingly, MRT can assist the individual in locating a desired "time-episode" of when certain specific events (memories) transpired, that may have been repressed through time. Why is MRT so unique? MRT understands the process of association in relation to memory. When memory is stored it is essentially always stored in relation to the attainability of oneís senses via smell, taste, touch, visual, and through auditory processes.
When individuals tend to remember past experiences it is usually retrieved through related associations (whether it was induced by the color red or from a personal meaningful experience). MRT parallels with that of state-dependent memory. State-dependent memory is an extension of context-dependent memory (information that is better retrieved in the "context" in which it was encoded and stored or learned). It sometimes happens that we retrieve information better when we are in a physiological or emotional state that is similar to the one in which we encoded and stored the information. Our moods may also serve as cues that aid in the retrieval of memories. Emotion influences not only what is stored in memory, but also how easily records can be accessed from memory. Individuals can best retrieve emotional memories by reinstating the emotion they were experiencing at the time they originally stored it, especially if the memory is associated with music.
The objective is to increase the process of retrieval. Knowing that music (a specific song) can elicit a past memory for an individual, MRT realizes this principle: more songs may elicit more memories. MRT is an extensive collection of condensed music from past years to the present in chronological order. MRT is designed for availability to most settings: classical, country, jazz, rhythm and blues, pop, rock and roll, rap, gospel, folk, reggae, etc. The more music an individual
At least now I know for sure that I am not crazy. But all of this is like a bad dream. The problem is that I am awake for this nightmare. I live this nightmare ALL day every day. I find it very hard to concentrate on anything else. I have sought professional help (6 different Psychologistís and psychiatristís over the past year). Of course when you mention the words "U.S. Government and Mind control experiments" every one thinks you are "crazy" or "chemically imbalanced".
I have gone through several 18 week programs on various drugs and every day I tell the Doctor the same accounts of my childhood, my college years, and of living in the South (nothing changes) so what do they do , they pass me along to the next guy because they simply donít know what to do with me!
I JUST HAVENT FOUND THE RIGHT PEOPLE TO TALK TO, and I am hoping that this is where you can help me! I am currently living in the New York metropolitan area and am seeking answers to my questions.
How should someone go about finding information about government mind control experiments, and covert operations which have been long since covered up? Where do I start to look? I guess I need help finding a starting place? Most importantly I need help finding a doctor who is experienced in dealing with government cover ups, hypnosis and mind control experiments.
This is the essence of what happened to me (the short version), I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to read it. Any and all suggestions or any help you can assist me with will be GREATLY appreciated.
Thank you,
Sincerely
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